It has been some time since I have last seen your smile. Since I have felt your loving arms embracing me, to protect me from the shadows in the corners of the room. It was so long ago that I saw you light up a cigarette, which was the one thing you didn't realize would be your demise. I miss the days of just seeing your face, but now when I think about it I forget what you look like. What I remember isn't much, but when I try to picture you now I see small lips, thin hair, and a body aged with love and hardships. I still feel the shock of knowing, of believing, like the first time I was told the news. Everyone knew it was going to happen. And how couldn't we? Three months waiting in your death bed is hardly a good sign. But no one was prepared. Not even you. Every now and then I hear something, and it just triggers my memory of you. My face gets hot, and the tears start rolling down my face. My mind filters past every fading memory of you, but I'm losin them. I loved you, you were family. And I will never get that back.